Being a mom

I LOVE being a mom.  Having Kennedy in my life is the best thing ever.  Period.   For details read on.

First of all, burps and foofs have never been so cute. or celebrated.

We love the little faces she makes. and seeing bits of ourselves in her is so neat.

Her skin is so soft I cannot stop kissing her.

It's adorable to see her looking around at the world and her eyes widening at new things.

Kennedy loves being outside just like mom and dad do.

While the rest of us floated Oneida Narrows, Grandma Moon, aunt Leslie and Kennedy enjoyed outside.  She loved it.

Derek and I sometimes talk about "Ensign pictures"--times when everyone is arranged so perfectly it's like it's been posed for a picture on the front of a church magazine.  We keep laughing because we'll find ourselves in completely perfect Ensign pictures.  Holding hands and gazing at her in awe, looking at each other with more love than ever.  Dude.  Life is sweet.

I remember always hearing that when you have a baby it's a huge spiritual experience--that you feel so close to God at the moment they hand you the baby the first time.  To be honest, it wasn't like that the very first time.  Having an emergency c-section and being behind the screen, I felt a little separated from the experience.  Loved it and honestly enjoyed it (Guys.  Feeling people dig through you but feeling no pain is kind of amazing.  Sorry to be gross, but just saying.  It's such a neat experience), but spirituality took a little while longer.

But, oh my goodness, when it does come, you really do learn so much and feel God's love so powerfully.  One night I just found myself crying.  I loved Kennedy so much.  And I knew God trusts me with her.  And that she trusts me to be a good mom and take care of her the best I can.

Ignore aunt Jessica's foot.  (it was for a size comparison :) )

I've always loved our temple sealing and been grateful that I could be with Derek forever.  But to  be honest it always felt a little like "oh hooray!  together forever!"--almost like it deserved a hash tag in front of it.  But all the sudden Kennedy came and it became real.  The knowledge that WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER and that we can have her and be connected to her is truly wonderful.  I've never been more motivated to stay righteous and stay on the path so we can make it.  And our wedding day is so much more than it ever was.  Because we were sealed, Kennedy was born into the covenant.  And she's on the path to make it home again to Heavenly Father. #guysthisisreal

I've learned so much about how much God wants the best for us.  As a mom I can't wait to show Kennedy all the wonderful things there are about the world.  There is music, laughter, friendship, Harry Potter, coloring, dreaming, learning, mountains, running, achievement, love.  And I want to do all I can to help her make it back home.   On a similar vein, I also never ever want anything bad to happen to her.  When she's hurting it's all I can do not to cry right along with her.  I dread the day she gets picked on at school or fails a test. (I know it's necessary for learning for there to be trials, so it'll be ok.  But still it's so hard.)  And I know that God feels the same way.  He wants us to be happy.  So the commandments, the trials, the growing pains can't be fun for Him either, but He knows it'll make us happy eventually.  (And He fills in the rest with the beautiful world, literature, friends, family.)

I love sitting down and telling Kennedy stories about Jesus and singing her Primary songs.  We first sung her I am a Child of God and realized--yes that's a song for kids, but oh it's so much a song for the parents.  "Lead me, guide me, walk beside me.  Help me find the way.  Teach me all that I must do to live with Him someday."  Very motivating. I love remembering the little truths in the songs we sing.  And how excited I am to share what I know with her.  There is so much for a little child to learn.

when I say "i love sitting her down" it's usually on my lap.  but baskets are cute for pictures.

The other day we were looking at a picture of Jesus and Derek asked Kennie, "do you remember Jesus?" and she got the biggest grin on.

Fun story and picture to end with.  When I was in preschool, we were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up and I knew that more than anything I wanted to be a mom.  I thought I wanted it then, but I had no idea how wonderful it would be.  I'm so grateful for this amazing blessing.

I can't beg you enough to read the other responses.  Preschoolers are hilarious.

The best job ever!! and things I'll miss.

This year has been awesome.  Since January I've been working as an RN at a Utah Valley Pediatrics clinic and it has been absolutely wonderful.   Unlike a hospital job I work 8-5ish,NO NIGHTS!!!!!, one weekend a month, and for a pregnant girl like me, it has been PERFECT.  

Just because, let's compare life now to life last fall-- commuting to night shift clinicals at Primary Children's, morning sickness, my TA job, a nursing home job, and schoolwork and NCLEX studying. It. Was. Crazy.  And Derek's schedule was just as bad.  So yes.  Life is better now.What 

So, anyway.  With our baby girl coming any day and our move to Alabama in July I'm down to my last days of work as a nurse at UVP, and it's sad!  I have loved it.  So to celebrate its awesomeness, I've decided to write down some of the things I'll miss....

Having my own dum dum jar to keep stocked

Getting to give shots..  I know it's crazy but I just love shots, IVs, drawing blood, etc.  They're just fun.  Sometimes the kids even muster out a teary thank you and it is so sweet

Learning little bits of Spanish-a lot of our patients are Hispanic, so I've learned little phrases.  It'll be ok, just a minute, take off all your clothes...

The amazing people I work with and their sweet acts of service. A few months ago one receptionist bringing me snacks to feed my baby.  This last month another receptionist took my scrubs home and sewed fabric to make them maternity scrubs.  The list could go on.  These people are amazing.

On a similar vein, they even threw me a baby shower!  (a few pictures below)

Learning about weird rashes, different diseases that I've never heard of (or...don't remember at least)

Learning new things every day and feeling more prepared to be a mom

.  

Weird things, watching my doctor pull objects out of noses/ears

Getting to know awesome doctors

Being excited to go to work every day

Having my own rooms to keep stocked up and take care of.  

THE SPARKLY BANDAIDS!!!  Yes, I have put them on where I had no injury and shown Derek proudly when I got home.

Loving all of my coworkers.  Seriously, I love all of them.  

Talking soccer and basketball with the adolescent boys and-thanks to Derek--knowing a little bit.

Convincing the older kids they're not scared of shots (or teasing the boys so they have to fake bravery.  "Oh.  I didn't feel a thing.")

Seeing the newborn babies, holding them!! and little kids so proud of younger siblings

When kids thank the doctor.  I want to teach my children to do this!  It's so sweet and so appreciated!

Having grumpy parents come in and seeing them leave happy

Listening to kid's movies playing in the lobby and listening to try and figure out which one is on.  (it can get loud with screaming children and it can be hard to tell.)

The smell of the cement room where we keep our liquid nitrogen.  Mmmmmm

Chocolate Fridays.  Every Friday afternoon a basket of candy is set out and we get to eat it through the afternoon.  It's the best.  Makes coming to work on Fridays worth it.

And now, pictures of a few things :)

my dum dum jarr

food my cute receptionist brought over to me

Decorations from the baby shower they threw for me

yeah lame picture but i love when things are all stocked up

some of my cute coworkers at lunch

more coworkers

yes.  we drink water.  go us.

Anyway.  It has been the greatest thing ever working here and I will miss it so much!!  

Create

*vain note:  I just realized I posted this without saying, I'VE NEVER PAINTED BEFORE.  These are from the last year.  Soooo yeah.  don't judge too much. ;)  k thanks.

I've always loved President Uchtdorf's Talk "Happiness, Your Heritage" and the Mormon Message they created to go with it.  (Shout out to Kate, "where can I get this soundtrack?!")

"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before."

I feel like it's so easy to get discouraged about what we haven't done or what we wish we could be better at.  It's times like that when I love being able to sit down and create.  To hash it out on the piano, make a meal for somebody, or doodle with a paintbrush.  

Here are some of the things I've "created" lately.  I'm not one to come up with a picture to paint on my own, so usually I look up pictures online and then just do my best to copy them.  Here are some of the things I've done. I'm actually really proud of how well they turned out overall.   (Many of them get thrown away.)  

Aspen trees

"Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty."

Pretty colors, right?!  I was super proud of how the sidewalk turned out.

You might say, “I’m not the creative type. When I sing, I’m always half a tone above or below the note. I cannot draw a line without a ruler. And the only practical use* for my homemade bread is as a paperweight or as a doorstop.”

*But for real.  

Love me some springtime.

"If that is how you feel, think again, and remember that you are spirit daughters of the most creative Being in the universe. Isn’t it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and eternally compassionate God? Think about it—your spirit body is a masterpiece, created with a beauty, function, and capacity beyond imagination."

When I lived with my grandma for a few weeks in the summer while I was engaged she did this cardboard cut out painting with me.  It was great.

 "If you are a mother, you participate with God in His work of creation—not only by providing physical bodies for your children but also by teaching and nurturing them. If you are not a mother now, the creative talents you develop will prepare you for that day, in this life or the next."

So humbling.  And exciting.

Once again, copied from the internet.  His little face kills me.

Lions and elephants are my favorite animals so they had to be what I tried painting first.  I also showed Derek this probably ten times in the process of doing it because I couldn't get over how cute they were.

"I believe that as you immerse yourselves in the work of our Father—as you create beauty and as you are compassionate to others—God will encircle you in the arms of His love."

Because He Lives

On this wonderful Easter day I want to share my thoughts on the meaning and import of this holiday. For me, Easter is more meaningful than Christmas. Why? Because on Christmas, we celebrate the birth of Christ. But on Easter, we celebrate his Atonement and triumph over sin and death--the reason for his birth in the first place.

The Savior's life was a perfect example for how each of us should live. His sacrifice and death on the cross of Calvary ensures that we can lay claim to his grace and power to save. His resurrection on that first Easter Sunday is our greatest source of hope in a troubled world.

Jesus Christ was perfect. He taught the gospel with power and authority from his Father. He commanded devils to depart, brought sight to the blind, and healed the sick. Even before his own resurrection, he proved that he had power over death. His walk among mortal men was filled with service, teaching, and love--a perfect pattern for all of us to follow. John, the apostle who knew him best, said, "and there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written" (John 21:25). Truly he was the greatest man to ever have walked the earth.

In the week leading up to Easter, we celebrate Holy Week and commemorate the final events of the Savior's life. He entered Jerusalem accompanied by shouts of Hosanna and again proclaimed his authority as he cleansed and taught in the temple. His teachings to the apostles in that final week are some of the greatest pronouncements of love, hope, and peace that have ever been uttered:

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another (John 13:33-34).

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you (John 14:18).

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid (John 14:27).

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you (John 15:13-14).

In his final hours on earth, Christ suffered unspeakable emotional, physical, and spiritual pain as he took upon himself the sins of the world. It is impossible for mortals to comprehend the depth and intensity of his sufferings. Why did he suffer? Why did he die? A few scriptures from the Book of Mormon help us understand why he endured so much pain and anguish:

And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men (1 Nephi 19:9).

And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. 

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.  

Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me (Alma 7:11-13).

For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; (D&C 19:16).

Christ suffered "because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men." Christ suffered so that he would know how to succor us. Christ suffered to blot out our transgression and to loose the bands of death. Christ suffered to ease OUR sufferings. Christ willingly suffered because he loves YOU. Christ suffered because he loves his Father and wanted ALL of his Father's children to return to him. I testify that Christ has opened the door to our salvation. We can be comforted. We can be forgiven. We can be cleansed from sin. We can walk back into the presence of the Father and "dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness" (Mosiah 2:41).

After Christ had suffered and was crucified on the cross, the greatest miracle of all--and the one that we celebrate on this day--occurred. The Savior of the World, the man who had been crucified, was raised up from the grave. He appeared to many people. He walked alongside them. He ate with them. He taught them.

The greatest miracle of all is the assurance that because he triumphed over death, the gift of the resurrection is given to all. Every man that has ever lived on this earth will also be resurrected. "The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame (Alma 40:23). We will see our loved ones again. We will be reunited with our Father. We will have the opportunity to become like him.

I now cite the testimony of the modern apostles of the Lord Jesus Christ:

We solemnly testify that His life, which is central to all human history, neither began in Bethlehem nor concluded on Calvary.

We bear testimony, as His duly ordained Apostles—that Jesus is the Living Christ, the immortal Son of God. He is the great King Immanuel, who stands today on the right hand of His Father. He is the light, the life, and the hope of the world. His way is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come. God be thanked for the matchless gift of His divine Son.

To their testimony I wish to add my own. Christ lives! He did truly suffer and die for us. His resurrection is the true source of our hope. He is the source of peace and love and joy. "All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ" (PMG, p. 52). I testify that Jesus Christ knows you and loves you. I testify that he did ascend from the Garden Tomb on the third day and is now enthroned in glory with his Father. I testify that his sufferings and death make it possible for us to return to our Heavenly Father and to take our place with Christ at the right hand of God.

This is what we celebrate as we contemplate the resurrection of Christ every Easter. We celebrate the hope of eternal life. We celebrate the love of our Father in Heaven. We celebrate the plan of salvation that leads to our eternal happiness. We celebrate the One who did truly rise from the tomb "with healing in his wings" (2 Nephi 25:13). We celebrate what is possible because he lives.

Future mommy + daddy + baby

Derek and I were talking the other day and realized, we haven't blogged about being pregnant.

Which is a huge mistake because it's a pretty big deal.  And we're just thrilled.

Right now our little baby girl is kicking throughout the day.  Sometimes if I'm really patient I can actually see the kicking--which blows my mind  The fact that there's a little human inside of me who is getting bigger and bigger and learning to move her arms and legs is amazing.

sooooooo cute.

We've enjoyed following the size of her growth through a website that tracks the baby compared to foods.  I cannot believe that at 4 weeks she was the size of a poppyseed, like a little kidney bean at 8 weeks, and her little body has still continued growing and growing!  We've watched her progress from the size of a lime to a lemon, from an apple to a bell pepper.  Right now at 28 weeks she's apparently the size of a large eggplant.  Pretty amazing.

A couple of my growing pictures.  The left was at about 18 weeks (when I finally started showing for real!) and the right at 28.

What are we most excited for?  Derek told me the other day that he can't wait to just play with her and make her laugh.  Adorable.  For me this is silly, but at first I was just excited to start organizing her things...making a little diaper drawer and finding places for all of her things in the home.  Now I think I just can't wait to see her little face and snuggle with her all day.  I've loved holding my newborn babies at work every day (before I poke them with needles.  sad.)   and I'm excited to see what she comes out like.  We only have one baby in our families and when my nephew arrived he was perfect.  So it'll be fun to see her.

A couple weeks ago we planted some flowers in our planter box and joked that this is our test to see if we can be parents.  (Some people get dogs before they have kids--we're just doing flowers.)  It's been pretty fun. We get so excited seeing the little green sprouts popping up out of the soil.  (and it's good because so far they haven't died on us.  Good sign.)  No blossoms yet, but hopefully soon!

  Obviously one side is growing better than the other.  We each took a side when we planted and we keep arguing over who must have planted the wimpy side.  

So that's what's going on in our lives.  We're so excited. Sometimes it's scary and crazy that we're going to be PARENTS--that this is for real.  But we have great examples to look to and we have the gospel to help us know where to focus as we raise our family.  We can't wait for June!

My Favorite Place on Earth

We've been in the process of something really difficult for my family for a while now, and I'm writing about it because of how special it is to me. After years and years, my grandpa and grandma have made the decision to sell the family farm. It's really hard for all of us to see it go, but it's getting harder for my grandparents to manage it all and we have had some very spiritual impressions that even though none of us want to, that selling the farm is the right decision for our family. We love this place and I'm so grateful for what it means to our family, so I want to share just a little bit about it with you.

First, let's just talk about the story of how it started.  When John Toone came with the Martin Handcart Company in the 1850s, his family settled Croydon, Utah and the surrounding area.  It has stayed in the Toone family ever since, and my grandpa has worked hard all his life to take care of it all.  Over time, my grandpa acquired more and more pieces of it from his family members until he owned the whole property.  It has taken him and grandma fifty years of working every day of their lives to pay it off.  They finally paid it off about two years ago.

This cabin has stood for 150 years

My grandpa taught LDS institute for his primary job but continued to run the farm.  During the summer, my grandparents with their seven kids went up to the farm and lived in a tent for the summer.  They bathed in the creek, brushed their teeth in the creek, kept food cold in the creek.  And they worked hard.

Eventually, we built a shop where we kept the tractor and all the tools.  Later, we built a loft with rooms so they could sleep.  As the family expanded we built a second shop.  The original shop became the "house."  The tractors and 4-wheelers were parked in the shop along with the tools.  We got a bigger tractor which wouldn't fit in the shop so we built an overhang.  As the family continued to expand, we built three little bunk cabins next to the house so everyone would have a place to sleep.

One of my favorite memories of the farm was when we went up one year knowing that there was a surprise for the whole family.  My mom knew what it was, but none of the kids did.  But on the drive up through Weber canyon, we saw a truck with a trailer on the back with a huge new tractor.  A John Deere.  Suddenly we knew what the surprise was.  When my grandpa was shopping for the tractor one of his criteria was how many of the cousins he could fit in the bucket.

I literally thought I was going to die by falling out of a tractor bucket when my grandpa would treat us to a roller coaster ride in it :) There are surprisingly few handholds in a tractor bucket.

**Side note** John Deere tractors are THE BEST.  There's no comparison.  Sure, other companies make tractors, but nothing runs like a Deere.  One year we all got John Deere t-shirts for Christmas.  Every time I see something with the classic green and yellow, we have to take a picture.

The grounds crew at the Logan Temple was kind enough to let us pose with the John Deere.

Kinda blurry, but this was at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago.

We have always tried to take very good care of our farm. As you drive up the county road, you can tell where the property line is.  My grandpa's land has been leveled, all the trees are removed, the alfalfa is literally greener.  We have always felt strongly that when the Lord gives you stewardship over something, you take care of it.  My grandma always refers to the story of pioneers in Nauvoo, who swept off their porches the day they were driven out.  They knew they were never coming back, but they wanted to leave their homes in the best condition they could.  We've adopted that mentality for our farm, and we take care of it with all our hearts.

The ranch is a refuge from the world. No cell service and no internet. It's a good way to escape the world and just focus on what is most important. Our family has shared some really sacred experiences there. Once when I was seeking to strengthen my testimony of the Book of Mormon, I went up to the ranch to have a Parley Pratt experience. I opened the book early in the morning and read all day. I read the whole Book of Mormon in one day, and in doing so had one of the most profound experiences of my life. The truth of it was confirmed to me as I sat up in the mountains alone where I could be closest to the Spirit. I'm grateful that I had such a special place to go to when I wanted solitude and a chance to experience peace. My whole family has had similarly sacred experiences at the ranch.

My grandpa and grandma have worked hard their entire lives so we could have a special place for our family and so we could learn to work hard.  I'm eternally grateful for the farm!!!  To our family, it is sacred ground.  While we may not always hold the title to it, the feelings and relationships forged and strengthened because of it will always be ours.  And when we get to heaven, I wouldn't be surprised if it felt a lot like Hell Canyon Ranch.