My Favorite Place on Earth

We've been in the process of something really difficult for my family for a while now, and I'm writing about it because of how special it is to me. After years and years, my grandpa and grandma have made the decision to sell the family farm. It's really hard for all of us to see it go, but it's getting harder for my grandparents to manage it all and we have had some very spiritual impressions that even though none of us want to, that selling the farm is the right decision for our family. We love this place and I'm so grateful for what it means to our family, so I want to share just a little bit about it with you.

First, let's just talk about the story of how it started.  When John Toone came with the Martin Handcart Company in the 1850s, his family settled Croydon, Utah and the surrounding area.  It has stayed in the Toone family ever since, and my grandpa has worked hard all his life to take care of it all.  Over time, my grandpa acquired more and more pieces of it from his family members until he owned the whole property.  It has taken him and grandma fifty years of working every day of their lives to pay it off.  They finally paid it off about two years ago.

This cabin has stood for 150 years

My grandpa taught LDS institute for his primary job but continued to run the farm.  During the summer, my grandparents with their seven kids went up to the farm and lived in a tent for the summer.  They bathed in the creek, brushed their teeth in the creek, kept food cold in the creek.  And they worked hard.

Eventually, we built a shop where we kept the tractor and all the tools.  Later, we built a loft with rooms so they could sleep.  As the family expanded we built a second shop.  The original shop became the "house."  The tractors and 4-wheelers were parked in the shop along with the tools.  We got a bigger tractor which wouldn't fit in the shop so we built an overhang.  As the family continued to expand, we built three little bunk cabins next to the house so everyone would have a place to sleep.

One of my favorite memories of the farm was when we went up one year knowing that there was a surprise for the whole family.  My mom knew what it was, but none of the kids did.  But on the drive up through Weber canyon, we saw a truck with a trailer on the back with a huge new tractor.  A John Deere.  Suddenly we knew what the surprise was.  When my grandpa was shopping for the tractor one of his criteria was how many of the cousins he could fit in the bucket.

I literally thought I was going to die by falling out of a tractor bucket when my grandpa would treat us to a roller coaster ride in it :) There are surprisingly few handholds in a tractor bucket.

**Side note** John Deere tractors are THE BEST.  There's no comparison.  Sure, other companies make tractors, but nothing runs like a Deere.  One year we all got John Deere t-shirts for Christmas.  Every time I see something with the classic green and yellow, we have to take a picture.

The grounds crew at the Logan Temple was kind enough to let us pose with the John Deere.

Kinda blurry, but this was at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago.

We have always tried to take very good care of our farm. As you drive up the county road, you can tell where the property line is.  My grandpa's land has been leveled, all the trees are removed, the alfalfa is literally greener.  We have always felt strongly that when the Lord gives you stewardship over something, you take care of it.  My grandma always refers to the story of pioneers in Nauvoo, who swept off their porches the day they were driven out.  They knew they were never coming back, but they wanted to leave their homes in the best condition they could.  We've adopted that mentality for our farm, and we take care of it with all our hearts.

The ranch is a refuge from the world. No cell service and no internet. It's a good way to escape the world and just focus on what is most important. Our family has shared some really sacred experiences there. Once when I was seeking to strengthen my testimony of the Book of Mormon, I went up to the ranch to have a Parley Pratt experience. I opened the book early in the morning and read all day. I read the whole Book of Mormon in one day, and in doing so had one of the most profound experiences of my life. The truth of it was confirmed to me as I sat up in the mountains alone where I could be closest to the Spirit. I'm grateful that I had such a special place to go to when I wanted solitude and a chance to experience peace. My whole family has had similarly sacred experiences at the ranch.

My grandpa and grandma have worked hard their entire lives so we could have a special place for our family and so we could learn to work hard.  I'm eternally grateful for the farm!!!  To our family, it is sacred ground.  While we may not always hold the title to it, the feelings and relationships forged and strengthened because of it will always be ours.  And when we get to heaven, I wouldn't be surprised if it felt a lot like Hell Canyon Ranch.

Marriage makes you learn things.

They say that once you're married your personal growth improves exponentially.  I'd have to say that they are right.

For example.

Since we've been married, Derek has helped me stop sticking apple stickers everywhere.  Sometimes they'd be on the sink.  Sometimes on the counter.  Sometimes on the bags bread comes in.  I've now learned to take the time to walk to the trash and throw it away.

Second.  I still do this, but I try to avoid it when it's at someone else's house.  Eating a third of a cookie and leaving the rest on the plate.

It really is the best way to eat a cookie, though.  In fact I taught all of my roommates to do it too.

Next.  Derek has helped me develop critical thinking skills when making big decisions.  To illustrate, during the summer we still had some Target gift cards left from our wedding (thanks everybody!!--but really. so grateful.)  so whenever we needed something we'd just go get it from Target!  Sometimes we'd even just walk around the store for fun.

One day, I found a box of $2 strawberry shortcake ice cream bars in the freezer section and Derek was really nice and said we could get them! (we don't often get sweets because he doesn't love them.)  I was super excited and giddy.  Then we found the purse section and a purse that was exactly what I had been looking for for a long time.

He said we could get the purse too!

Um, BEST DAY EVER.

Just kidding.  He said I had to choose one of them.  And that maybe the next time we could come back and get the other.

Never mind the fact that the purse was about 10 times the price of the ice cream bars and would last a lot longer, I was distraught.  This was totally unfair.  Embarrassing part of the story? I wanted to cry.  I knew I needed a purse, but I really really wanted the ice cream.

Eventually I reluctantly and slowly walked back to the freezer section and put the ice cream bars back.

This is when I put the ice cream back.  I look stupid.  But I was mad.

Having supposedly "passed the test" Derek told me I could now get both.

I didn't.  I was too mad.  We left.  With a purse.  But without ice cream bars.

But don't worry.  Next time we went to Target we got the ice cream bars.  And they were SO good.  Even Derek loved them.

Finally, Derek has taught me the proper way to load groceries in the car.

I used to just like. . .load them in.  Not with a rhyme or reason, but just put them in the car quickly so we could hurry home.  But I learned:  You should put the heavy things like cans or milk in FIRST, then the bread and other mushy things.  So they don't get smooshed.

Basically I've become a very classy person ever since marrying Derek.

The Big Apple

A few weeks ago Kaylie and I had a priceless opportunity. A family that I had taught and baptized on my mission in New York was getting sealed! Not only was it an opportunity to go see one of the coolest cities in the world, but I would have a chance to see so many people whom I love so much and to have Kaylie with me! We decided to make a vacation of it and skip a few days of school so we could do some sightseeing too.

We flew in on the overnight flight, which gave us the opportunity to see the city lights as we descended, which was really cool.

Our first stop after a quick nap was the temple for the sealing!!! The E train to the 1 train transition went super smoothly and we made it just in time!

If you've never been to the Manhattan temple, put it on the bucket list. It's right in the middle of the city and is a completely unique experience.

 After the sealing, we took some time walking around Central Park since it was about a block away. Even though I spent two years in New York, I had only been to Central Park once and that was only because we got to walk through it on our way to the temple. So it was cool to get to see it for reals this time. We'll include some pictures down below under the touristy part of this post :)

What a happy family!!!

So glad we could be with the Diaz family. I'm so grateful to have come to know them!!!

It felt good to see the culmination of years of preparation from this special family. They are great examples to me. It is a wonderful feeling to know that this family has been sealed by the Lord and can partake of all of the blessings of the gospel!!! I wish we had some videos of the dancing after the wedding dinner...

Not only did we get to attend the Diaz family's sealing, but we also got to see a lot of other people that I had taught and worked with on my mission. Even though we couldn't see everyone, I was grateful to get caught up with some wonderful people.

Edin Godoy

The Bejarano family

The Elejalde family...love these three kids

I was dumb and didn't take a picture with the Gomez family even though we stayed at their house. But here is a picture of when Juan Carlos got baptized!!! I was chubbier then because I was living on a steady diet of pupusas.

We also got to have a lot of fun! Even though we were only there for four days we got to visit all of my areas (except one) and do all of the touristy stuff on our list too. It's amazing how much you can pack in to just a few days in this city!

Under an archway in Central Park

What a cutie! Central Park really is pretty cool 

Grimaldi's under the Brooklyn Bridge. A New York classic!!! In case you can't tell from our blog, pizza is important to our family... 

View of Manhattan from Brooklyn

Walking the Brooklyn Bridge

The 9/11 Monument: A chilling reminder of what happened here
 

Manhattan from the Staten Island Ferry

Freedom.

Times Square at night is a must. Such a cool city!

I'm so grateful that I was able to make it to the sealing and to get a chance to see so many wonderful people and have Kaylie meet them too! It was so fun and hopefully we can go back soon!!! Until then, stay classy NY!

It's Been Forever Since We Updated!

It has been SO LONG since we updated the blog. Somehow coming back to the grind of school in Provo is not as exciting as our adventures in Chicago...

Anyways, we are back in school! Kaylie and I are both seniors and coming down with serious cases of senioritis.

Kaylie will graduate in December, so this semester is almost exclusively clinical shifts up in Primary Children's Hospital. She loves working in the hospital, but she has gotten stuck with a lot of night shifts. 7pm-7am a couple times of week is not that fun. For either of us. She's also studying for the NCLEX and hoping she's not the 2% of 50 students that doesn't pass ;) Once she finishes her clinical shifts and passes the exam, she'll be a real live nurse!!!

Kaylie's a cute nurse. Also, the baby is cute.

I'm graduating in April and have finished most of my finance coursework, so I'm taking a lot of political science classes (for my minor) and some fun classes like golf and weightlifting, along with a few business classes. The poli sci classes leave me with a lot of reading every night (sometimes over 100 pages per class), but they are interesting and are stretching me in different ways than what I've gotten used to by studying finance.

I'm still spending a lot of time in this building.

So, we will be moving to Alabama sometime this summer!!! I accepted a job offer with Honeywell as a financial analyst. They have a rotation program, and our first stop will be in Mobile, AL. Neither of us has ever even been to the south, so this is a completely new experience for us. We are both really excited, but we still have no idea what to expect. We have been told that we have to choose a team though. I still can't bring myself to cheer for either.

How about none of the above?

Here are a few of the highlights since we last blogged, which hopefully will become blog posts of their own in the next little while. Stay tuned for all the updates!!!

Trip home from Chicago / Weekend in Nauvoo

Our first anniversary!!!

Hiking and Camping

Moving in to a new apartment

New York trip

Football season (and intramurals)

Life is busy, but we try to make it fun! We'll try to get some more posts going so you can all see how exciting we are :)

The Emotional Cold

This post is actually a month or so old.  I waited to publish it until I had a little more time to see where my experiment would lead.  So anyway.  These are my writings from the end of July:  


Before I start, I should say that this post based solely on my feelings and perceptions I have felt this week.  It should NOT be used as medical advice, or anything of the sort.  That's all. :)

This week I've begun tapering off my depression pills.  I've actually been taking these FOREVER.  (As in, since the end of 2010.  A long time.  At least for me.)   I'm very blessed in that I never had very serious depression, but I did have a mild version.  Things that used to be fun weren't fun anymore, I had thoughts of hopelessness and worthlessness, and I was super anxious.  One example I can remember is I was walking home from class and started walking toward the gym.  But maybe, I thought, that wasn't the "right" choice.  So I literally u-turned around and headed towards the library.  No, I thought, I want to work out...maybe I'm "supposed" to go right now.  And if I don't follow this, I'll be a bad person if I don't.  So I u-turned again.  (Like, I actually remember turning around a couple times.)  I did this a few times until I was totally confused, and I hadn't studied or gone to the gym.

Anyway, probably about two years ago my doctor determined I was okay and gave me permission to try tapering off whenever I wanted to and felt ready.  Aaaand, I've tried a couple times and then I get too scared and I stay on it.  The first day I taper is so hard.  And that's always scared me enough to stay on the full dose every day.

I took a psychiatric nursing class last semester and learned that sometimes depression will only last a couple years.  That I might find I'm all better if I give my brain a chance to produce serotonin on its own.  I've prayed, sought medical guidance and...

I decided to give coming off a real chance.

During this week of tapering off,  I've kind of remembered what it felt like during that time in my life: a cold.  Just one of those routine colds you get during the winter that has your nose stuffed up and your head a little congested.

Like a cold, the way I feel isn't obvious to other people.  When in social settings I'm able to do what is expected.  I smile at those talking to me, laugh along to jokes, and participate in conversations.  Unless I tell someone what I'm feeling, nothing appears to be wrong.  And in reality, I'm functioning wonderfully.  The only problem is that I  just feel a little bit . . .off.

My spirit feels a little heavier, and frustrations have a little bit more playing time on the stage of my mind.  I'm feel myself drawn inward instead of my usual tendency to look outward.

But like a cold, distraction helps me forget I'm even feeling weird.  Exercise helps too.

Like a cold, these symptoms spike at night.  Especially in dreams.  I've found myself waking up surprisingly distraught after seemingly normal dreams of school cafeterias or math class.  (Yes.  Most of my dreams occur in high school.  Or at Lagoon.  It's weird.)

I'm moving very very slowly.  (3/4 a pill the first week, 1/2 a pill the second week, 1/4 the third week.)  My hope is that my brain will figure itself out and realize that it can do what the pill was previously doing.

And you know what?!  So far, so good. :)

Sunday was difficult, but after that, this week hasn't even been bad.  The only difference is I feel a little bit moody in the evening.

We'll see what happens, and if this ends up being the wrong, I'm 100% willing and ready to go back on the medication.

Finally, let's finish with something from Elder Holland's talk "Like a Broken Vessel."  Because it's just good.

Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. As President Monson said to the Relief Society sisters so movingly “That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve it. It is simply always there.”  Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart. Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead.

That one time when I won a dance competition

I know you guys are hoping this post is written by Derek--we all know his amazing dancing ability.  *cue awkward swaying to C'mon Get Higher*

But really.   One time I won a school contemporary dance competition.  Me--Kaylie!! Was I good at dancing?  Heavens, no.  It was just because I'm obsessed with candy.

In my elementary school, we had this thing called the Reflections Program where you could compete in song, art, literature, and so on.  Every year there was a theme (Anything is Possible, Change, Courage, etc.) and students submitted their original work to be judged.  And in my school, no matter how you placed, you were given a huge candy bar for every entry.

So naturally, I decided to compete in every category I had time for.  Art, photography, songwriting, writing, and....dancing.

I vaguely remember taking a dance class when I was about 4 years old but I was too bad at it and never went back. That was the entirety of my dance experience up to this point.  But that candy bar was in sight.  So I talked my mom into filming me.

We drove down to our church building so I could use the stage in the gym.  I didn't have choreographed moves ready, but I did know what soundtrack I would be dancing to:   The Prince of Egypt.

So I turned on the CD and began to dance.  My mom filmed, and then we went home.

The day of the Reflections Assembly we all sat in the gymnasium to enjoy presentations of winners.  One of the cute PTA ladies came over to me and said, "you got first place on your dance."  (I was shocked.  But soon learned I was the only one who entered. . .) "It's ok if we show it to the whole school right?"

Emphatically, and with all the wisdom my elementary school self held, I said no.  No way.  Never.

And thank heavens they didn't show the video.  My life could have been ruined forever.  So thank heavens :)

But I still got the candy bar I wanted :)

And I'm sure you're all curious.  But I think, with the good of future generations in mind, the tape was deleted.

All of Our Chicago Experiences in Twenty Thousands Words or Less.

It's our last week in Chicago!!!  And we have LOVED being here this summer.  We've been able to do so many things we wouldn't have been able to otherwise, and it's just been a really fun adventure.  We're really behind on everything we've done, and we're too lazy to write details on everything.  So since a picture's worth 1000 words, here's about 20,000 words for you.  Enjoy :)

by navy pier

Buzz Aldrin came to speak at Derek's work picnic.  Super inspiring and cool to see someone who's been on THE MOON. In the flesh.  That man is amazing.

We went to a Cubs game!  Wrigley Field is a great place to watch a baseball game.

One of the few remaining classic ballparks.

Oh.  And they won.  That was cool :)

And unexpected.

. . . .

We found a cupcake ATM!!  Sadly they were filling it so we didn't get to give them our money for a cupcake.

Derek was ecstatic to find Bandeja Paisa, his favorite Colombian dish.

And we found about a zillion cute houses.  I was obsessed.  

We went to the museum of Science and Industry.  Super amazing!  This picture is in front of the U505 submarine that the US captured from Germany during WWII.  We got to go inside for a tour and wow!  So neat to see the inside of a warship.  Also, so humbling.  Soldiers did not have very comfortable living conditions.  At all.  

Newspapers from the war

Derek found a John Deere tractor in the museum and had to jump inside. 

This little guy went to the moon! [Insert cheesy maiden name joke here.]

We got to go to the Chicago Fire vs. Tottenham game.  Awesome to see a top flight European team in action.

We walked around University of Chicago campus.  Oh my, these buildings were beautiful.    

in front of the water tower that survived the fire of 1871.  My favorite part was seeing the fire escape on the back of the building.  That was just funny to me for some reason.

Aside from the cool explorations we loved experiencing a new city, becoming part of an amazing ward, and having such a great experience with Derek's internship.  He learned a ton, worked really hard, and had a really enjoyed his time with Honeywell.  Thanks everyone for helping to make this experience amazing!